diary of a professional antagonist
Well, my name is Chukkas Blowsier and people tell me that I’m a bastard and a louse. I come from a long line of misfortune and incompetence and hope that my time on this planet will entitle me a place alongside my ancestors in the annals of memorable people for the wrong reasons. I’m getting on a bit now, getting crankier, more bored with everything and so, most of the time, I like to pick fights just for the fuck of it. I’ve a knack for finding trouble, for poor decision making and for the ability to change into a two-timing, deceitful prick at the drop of a hat if I see a way to exploit someone and make some money out of it. Typically I spend quite a bit of time writing for the movies, ogling the local talent as it strolls by my window and hitting on anything with a pulse stupid enough to give me the time of day. I’m the kind of person that everyone on the street assumes would be interesting to get to know, and that the numerous lines on my face and the perma-black bags beneath my eyes translate into a life well lived, wisdom and a bountiful heart. Well, they’re wrong, and within two minutes of striking up conversation they know it and are regretting opening their mouths. Even I pity the pretty ones. I’m worse than a horny dog if a half-ways decent woman pays me any attention. I’ll grip onto that leg with my little paws and I’ll hump it all day until it’s worn out, given the chance. As far as I can remember I’ve three restraining orders currently in operation and there’s some form of a lawsuit pending for something I did in a bar when I was drunk. Despite all this, I consider myself a diamond in the rough, in need of a good woman to chip away my less attractive edges and reveal the warm, glowing soul that lurks within… who the fuck am I kidding? If any woman reads this and fell for that line, find me on Facebook, drop me an email, whatever you like, honey, there’s an experience and a story you’ll get to tell for the rest of your life waiting here for you. Just read the blog and make up your own mind before you get in touch. At least then I can’t be held entirely culpable in a court of law.